Living on Air

Woman sitting in underclothes, touching abdomen --- Image by © Alix Minde/PhotoAlto/Corbis

Living on Air

For half of my life,
I punished myself for being alive.
Starving for affection,
my body denied of nutrition,
I was not living, only existing.
Eating was against the rules.
I became a master at the game.
Purple lips and pale white skin,
meant I was winning,
even though I played alone.
Self-punishment; rewarded
by compliments and praise.
How could they know;
their words fed me?
Living on air.
A concentration camp victim;
of my own making.
My brain, the prison guard;
locking my spirit
behind the bars of self-control.
Hunger filled my weary body.
Days of barely breathing.
A ghost; pretending to be alive.
Wanting to disappear;
in a world that only brought pain.
Anorexia was my best friend,
my confidant, my every thought.
Her torment was relentless;
telling me, I was worthless.
I did not deserve to be alive.
She was a liar.
I found the strength.
Peace and love
allowed me to see
I am perfect;
in Gods eyes.
He held me in his embrace,
until I quit struggling.
Filling me with a passion,
I was denied for so long.
Self-love; my new best friend.

© Debra McLain

Excerpt from the book “To Conquer Or Die Trying”
• Also Available on by Title

Photo Credit: © Alix Minde/PhotoAlto/Corbis

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